December 17, 2012

熬夜




就在最近这几天
我总是发呆老半天
盘旋在脑海中不去的是你的话语和难忘的笑脸
就在最近这几天
离开学校的日子很空闲
我总是有事没事就温习过去
还有从看我们的照片
飞呀。时间为何那么快的不见
一起欢笑一起流泪的日子,
将这记念点缀成美丽的画面
飞呀,我请月光洒在我的身边
我将学习如何去思念,我将熬夜会为这几年日记每一面
我曾经为你熬夜。只为了做你那生日卡片。
一起熬夜一起准备明天的测验
过了今天也许只能说再见
能不能在次陪我熬夜聊天
为你熬夜帮你录下你最爱的影片
一起熬夜一起在网上费话连篇
过了很多天我们熬过多少夜
就让我唱这一首歌。
请陪我熬夜到明天

听到这首歌,突然又想起了她。
一年多了,不晓得她现在过得如何?
应该是很开心很幸福吧,可以寻找她向往的真爱。
纵然有再多的舍不得,在她心中也许分文不值吧。
朋友们都开始心心相伴,开花结果,自己却一无所有。
五年的心血,时间,真情,全付出在她身上了;现在,没了。
心中的那根刺,我想也许只有她可以拔掉吧。
但是,她心里应该已经没有我这个人的存在了,又怎会来拔掉呢?
到底要如何可以这么快忘掉一段感情然后又投入新的呢?为什么就是做不到呢?
再多一年的时间?两年?三年?
很多人都可以很潇洒地忘掉忘掉,为何我就只能在外表装着若无其事呢?
很希望生命有个伴,但却害怕爱情。能有什么方法呢?
人,心,面,思,好奥妙的四个字!
December 16, 2012

1+1 = 1


2 movies in a weekend! Haha!

Love both movies; The Hobbit is surely an absolute marvel since my all-time favourite movie is Lord of the Ring! Nothing much to describe, just watch her yourself! You can ignore my words if you are not a LOTR fan. LOL =D

The Hobbit

Life of Pi is a story that somehow makes me think of what is the meaning of life to me and what truly is the meaning of God to me and His presence in my life. I wonder if the director Ang Lee is a christian or multi-religion guy like Pi? His movies are always filled with wonderful sceneries but Life of Pi somehow gives too much computer effects which I dont really like, but still thumbs up for a simple cast of a man and a tiger to be directed in such an interesting way!
Life of Pi
November 29, 2012

Connected Communities


argh...I'm stuck!
16 days left to submit the proposal for this competition --> http://communities.challenge.my/
and I still have no solid ideas to develop. Time to crack my brain and start thinking! Hopefully I can win at least a honorary mention, can I? seriously need some extra income. LOL! or maybe somehow the entry ideas can be used and communities can be better? Let's go hard for it!

当病魔来时。。。


病魔,岁月,已经逐渐地远离了。。。
当你知道你身边的朋友,一位25岁,年轻有为,前途似锦的青年人,患上了淋巴癌,肺里有静坐一粒13cm大的肿瘤,你会有何反应?
生活上原本每天早上晚上都可看见他,知道他痛苦,不舒服。但却没想到竟然会有这样的事发生在我现在这年龄的朋友上。我能如何?
除了外在的帮助,口上的鼓励,内心的祈祷,我还能做什么?
外表的他很镇定和乐观,但看得出他还是会有点担心,有压力。
毕竟他家里也有其它事情,婆婆和爸爸也是有病,妈妈又刚辞职来照顾他们,现在又多一单,假如我是他,我也是会有压力,不想再给家人添麻烦。
当病魔来时,的确是防不胜防。
一生的追求,可能就轻而易举地被毁灭了,成为一生的医疗。
人生,究竟活着是为什么?亲情?爱情?财富?游乐?
短短的70-80年,甚至有可能30年都不到,你的任务就得中断了,该追求的究竟是何物?
我不晓得我可以活多久,但我只能肯定地告诉自己要用一生去追求神给我的使命 。
无论能否完成,无论是否要单独一个人面对一切,我都要用我每一口气息去努力,去渴望,去追求!
November 6, 2012

少计较,多付出,必有福!


生活有时就是这么不公平,
披着疲惫生病的身躯还得超时工作,
有些人却可以随口说一个理由就走人。

但我相信吃亏不一定是件坏事,
少计较,多付出,必有福!
太累了,头昏脑涨,该睡了!晚安!


November 4, 2012

to stay? to move?


to stay put or to make the move?
this is one tough question to be answered when you are facing your own fear and phobia.
life goes on no matter how deep the cut is,
should I stand up again and be brave to face the possibility of failing again?
I do not have many years more to spend on failures.
Or maybe the destiny is for me to strive ahead alone with Him?
Shall I give myself another chance?
I do not want to accept anyone nor reject anyone.
I hope I can have some true friends who are with me not because of what I have but because of who I am; friends that cherish the relationship and bonding, not just for what activities we can do together; friends that I can share my heart and they can understand me.
Is it really that hard to find that kind of friends?
Must it be a 'girlfriend' to be able to do these?
And how am I supposed to find a girlfriend that can love her boyfriend and truly treat him as a lifepartner-to-be? Admiring his ups and consulting his downs. Are there still these kind of girls existing not expecting her boyfriend to be a perfect guy or her dream guy? Only God knows...

so, again,
to stay put or to make the move?
may God lead the way, little ant has no confidence yet and have no idea why to build it up again.
For the sake of saving my loneliness? ridiculous...
For the sake of having a family and continuing God's kingdom? that will definitely need a wise girl who cherish Him and our relationship, not merely thinking for own favourite things to do.
For what other reasons?...this is a never ending story...
I suppose...the only key is till I meet the special girl who are not going after mankind enjoyment but for the love of our future family and God's kingdom.
October 27, 2012

memories


memories are meant to be kept, right?
memories, are supposed to bring good influences, right?
a year of effort to overcome and go on, failed.
is it because there's no one to show me the proof?
or is it because God has another reason?
or is it because the path is indeed meant to be walked alone with Him?
please guide me Lord, you are the only true friend i have left...
October 23, 2012

still...Tiffany!


MUSIC is still one of the best companion! lets clear the blues!
New covers from Tiffany! hasn't been updating myself for almost a month. =)

I Knew You Were Trouble -  Taylor Swift - Tiffany Alvord Cover
My Heart Is - Tiffany Alvord
The Breakdown - Tiffany Alvord
 We are Never Ever Getting Back Together - Taylor Swift - Tiffany Alvord Cover


October 22, 2012

本性


人的本性真的无法改吗?
用了这么多年的时间,结果还是倒回同样一个膜。
不要让她知道的决定果然没错,结果搞得自己这么伤感。
一而再,再而三地主动先踏出那步了,结果还是一样。
现在的她,就是小学中学的她。
环境,原来可以有这么大的威力,三年的友谊,就可以把七八年的友情感情踢得远远的。
完全无言以对,唯有佩服。。。
要成为朋友?不是这样的。客套话省了吧!
不想说谢谢就别说,没诚心的谢谢,不要对我说。
我要的是诚恳的朋友,很生疏的朋友至少也可以很热情地打招呼,你的态度,免了。

Monday BLUE?


Having a cup of coffee, sitting back, relax, online browsing my favourites...ah...such an indulgence...although it's just for a few hours...the appreciation counts...and the best part is I don't feel any monday blues! haha...although will need to rush for work after touching Johor ground...gonna miss Kuching so so much...such a fun and lovely night meeting old school friends last nite...worth the ticket back! =)
October 20, 2012

KUCHING!!!


KUCHING!!! miss you so much and here I come!!! XD
so excited to go back tomorrow...too bad have to rush back on Mon for work...haiz...when I have family in future it might be even harder to go back for a few days...hopefully I manage to get my professional license in these few years time and manage to go back to my hometown! the place I love the most and wish to stay the most!

Although going back Kuching may spark lots of memories of her...I believe I can also create new memories with my friends and family back there...couple love shall not be one of my main life priority anymore until I meet someone whom is able to change my thinking and drive me to overcome the phobia...until then...live life to the fullest! yeah! =)
October 17, 2012

the 7 little bears...


the 8th bear...left alone to complete the beauty of the '7 little bears'...and there goes the seven little bears with princess snow white...regretfully I'm not the prince...

Wish her all the best and May she meet her real prince soon...many thanks to sis sa for keeping this secret (thou she wont have any reaction anyway knowing the truth)...haha =D

so what should I do with her now? throw? keep? she's so adorable...but keeping her doesnt bring any gd...haiz...
October 16, 2012

GOD is so real!


GOD is always around, this is so true!...
I was quite anxious about the site meeting that I need to chair myself without my supervisor. I've just worked for two months plus and how possibly could I handle all those weird construction terms and issues that I might not even heard of?...and there it was this morning receiving the email stating the postpone of meeting, so my supervisor will be available at that time and will be going with me. lol...I guess God knows that I'm not prepared to handle that yet so I have a bit more time to learn and catch up, and I know I need to work harder! Now is the time to focus in work and my first target! This field is not pretty and prospect-full just as I expected and it is really not easy to become an architect that really build a 'home'land, not just houses. I do not have the social and financial background to do a lot of things as what others can. What I can do is just to keep learning and trying, making mistakes and making improvements. I hope this is the right thing to do. Time passes fast and I might not have much time to spend.

SPACES. SENSES. SOCIAL. This might just be a simple motto, but it bears all my aspiration of what to do as an architect. Design is not just about aesthetic, but what I always heard of is "wow! this building is so beautiful!""..."wow! this is so special!"..."wow! this building is so majestic! so grand!" Policies in Malaysia are slowly changing architects into exterior packaging and submission person in charge, this is not healthy. The whole process of building up an area for public is separated into many bits and pieces and there's no unity to bring up the quality of livelihood. When 'divide and rule' occurs, things tend to get messed up as different people always has different opinions. So how do we unite the idea of building a land truly suitable for the growth and health of mankind's body and soul? The answer is always a question mark, left unsolved...

This is just the first target, the hardest to achieve, let's go little ant! Keep yourself up and going! Don't let anything drag you down!
October 15, 2012

12.10.14


哇!好累的一天!
不过一句话,很喜乐的一天。
虽然我不是什么优秀生,也不是什么毕业大明星有很多朋友很多礼物,
但开心是我可以和全家人一起渡过,一起拍全家福。
家,始终还是我永远的归属。但愿我的家继续蒙神祝福!
感恩有这个家,让我可以长大,可以学习,可以有今天的一切!
更感恩有神的带领,五年来的确风风雨雨,经历生活酸甜苦辣,让我学习了很多人性,神性。
人的伟大,关怀,恶毒,无情,等。
神的恩典,引领,保护,祝福,等。
感激神,家人,曾经深爱的佩诗,教会众弟兄姐妹,系友等。
你们让我的五年生涯活得多姿多彩,有哭有笑,这才是所谓的 ‘生活’。


今天的秘密任务也算成功,哈哈!
听说她收到那礼物是很开心很喜欢,总算可以彻底了了这心结。
就当作是我对她最后的祝福吧,往后的日子就要下决心专心目标了吧!
虽然寂寞,虽然渴望,但这一切都不足以让我可以再次相信感情。
感情的脆弱,感情的迅变,感情的谎言,无论你多么努力,也不一定有成果。
人说女人要安全感,
有了安全感又要幽默感,
有了幽默感又要陪伴感,
有了陪伴感又要。。。又要。。。
你有某样不足,就得预备好她离开的心。
潇洒地离开,也潇洒地把你当透明,太恐怖了。。。
年岁,
与其浪费在无保障的感情事上,
倒不如用在更有用处的地方。
寂寞,就学习克服吧!
October 13, 2012

我毕业了!


明天!就是我辛苦了五年的毕业典礼!
之前的确是没什么感觉,但今天开始觉得紧张了。。。
虽然不晓得该紧张什么,心里就不由得紧张的侵袭。
有时会期待很多人来祝贺我送我礼物,但有时又希望简简单单默默渡过就是了。
或许也是因为期望看到她收到我的礼物会开心吧。。。
虽然她不会知道是我送的,或说她无需知道是我送的。
重要的是她明天可以开心漂亮!自己心里欣慰就足够了。。。
总而言之,结果如何就看明天吧!哈哈!
穿上那红袍,代表着自己是时候成熟了,是时候学习面对自己所做的一切决定了。
在这里先祝贺自己 “恭喜我毕业了!”
嘻嘻 =)
October 9, 2012

SENIOR = JUNIOR???


What will you do? When there's someone more senior than you in your workplace but could not perform as a senior? When he is so lack of confidence to plan and decide things but keeps asking boss what to do and getting his instructions only...sighs...even with own colleagues he dont dare to plan and discuss freely but needs boss to call for an internal meeting...3pm inform me 5pm need to complete something when he has all the time he can to tell me...playing busy this few days and when the final submission date comes then start to panic...WHY???...One year working experience and still asking questions where even few months new staff can answer...6 buildings with around 20+ drawings and yet he only do one single drawing...my goodness...so many projects in the company and he does less than 5 drawings...throwing everything to draughtman...while he himself keeps checking email again and again reading emails again and again finding all the easy and light stuff to do...How to deal with this kind of senior? If I were to overpower him its somehow disrespectful...If I were to let it be and dont care so much he is going to drag down the company productivity and also mine...sighs...HOW? WHY? WHAT can I do??...
October 7, 2012

SATURDAY!


Today is Saturday...I started my day early around 7am to queue for my convocation attire collection...ended up taking 5 hours of my precious weekend...nite time out of nowhere me and my housemates decided to have nasi ayam penyet for dinner...then went off to Johor Premium Outlet bearing a mission to hunt for black coat...surprisingly I got lost and ended up at JUSCO Bukit Indah...lol...so we shopped there instead...and again out of nowhere we thought of having some little alcohol and chit chat back in our house...what a day indeed! now it's time to sleep... =)
October 2, 2012

钱来钱往


钱来了,转眼间,又走了。
已经只花费在必需品啊,为何还是这么紧戳呢。。。
接下来的几个月会好转吗?。。。
希望吧!。。。 =)
October 1, 2012

终于开始安顿了。。。


感觉好久好久没写blog了。。。这两个月里都在忙工作,忙找房子,搬家,安顿,忙教会活动,等等。 现在终于算是标了个逗号,可以歇一会儿,回到自己的心里。

不知不觉工作也开始了两个月,慢慢的已经开始接管一些任务。 马来西亚的建筑业的确是称得上所谓的,马来西亚生活方式。 建筑业真的是我达到目标的领域吗?我真的可以从中脱颖而出吗?自己说话技巧不如人,搭关系技巧也不如人,我只是一个小人物,无高官背景,无富家支撑,无商业经验。 这一切一切都让我觉得自己只是在欺骗自己,为一个不可能的任务努力。

未来究竟会如何真的无法预测,很多事往往就在你不经意的当儿发生了。 很多机会也不经意地流失了。 亲情与感情是我以往一直坚守保护的。 现今我只想专注神的事工,事业与家庭。 感情真的可以在我身上出现吗?我不想再被伤害,所以不想再开始另一段感情,但未来我终须组织自己的家庭,现在不去珍惜机会,是否就会因此而失去了呢?
August 6, 2012

dear Mr. Cough please go away...


start coughing again...getting more and more serious...I guess climax will be here soon...whats the cause? I didnt eat anything heaty...didnt drink cold drinks...but my lung is feeling weak...is it lack of sleep? but Ive slept more than when Im rushing submissions...is it lack of exercise? havent been exercising for quite some time since holiday starts...argh Ive really got to find a gym asap...is it too tired? maybe...have been going here and there...finding house for rent...settling things...bla bla bla...how nice if theres someone to give me a massage...ahahaha...anyway time to sleep! =D
August 4, 2012

house? room?


rent rent rent...when will I ever be able to find a suitable house to rent?...is it really best to just rent a room?...I really really hope I can do something like a ministry house for tertiary fellowship...will it ever become a reality?...
August 2, 2012

layout refreshed!


woot...new layout! haha...lets see how long will I like this... =)

生活继续美丽!


啊!开工第二天了,整体上还蛮不错的嘛!虽然车程是有点累,但一边开车一边听歌赞美神,疲惫真的消了。虽然现在是一个人奔跑,但有他的陪伴,彻彻底底地比她的陪伴更加真实。无论任何时候,情况,无论我发任何脾气,他都不会嫌弃我,离开我。在柔佛这地方生活的确不简单,许许多多的人情世道,跨国境的生活方式,让整个城市变得非常不温馨,感觉不到它的存在。这个月还没有收入,凡事都得能省则省,能少则少。希望我可以尽快找到房子租,早日稳定下来,开始往我的目标前进!

昨天参加赞美之泉的敬拜赞美节庆,真的很感谢神,感谢Sakura让出两张票给我。我得以坐在第二排!哈哈!前两年我也都是在前几排的,去约书亚的赞美晚会也不例外!赞美之泉今年的专辑为“将天敞开”。整张专辑的曲风,词句都属于将心敞开,全人投入敬拜。我对“我要顺服”特别有感触,昨晚唱的时候我差点落泪了。

还有其他几首也是非常棒!

继续奔跑神的道路!无论任何环境都要顺服,只因我爱他!
July 31, 2012

25:5


ah......so the life as a 'worker' starts tomorrow...after being a student for 25 years...finally it is time for me to start the life with a career in hand...a career comes with responsibilities...there is no more try and errors anymore with real life project...any wrong decision might lead to great devastation...

ending a month of rest full with joy and relaxation with friends and family...going familiar and new places...recapping past memories...gaining new experiences...everything just reminds me...'Life is always so beautiful!'...

bad things may happen anytime but God is always there guiding and leading...accidents happened right nearby me...life is just so fragile...

ghost or so called 'forest spirits' passing by my friends which I did not experience anything (was sleeping soundlessly for the whole night! lol)...there are indeed many people out thr craving for the peace of life and mind...

seeing my friends couple fighting with each other...recalls myself of what I actually did wrongly in the past...what I can tell them is just...Appreciate each other, love does not come by without any reasons. When two person come together from strangers to friends and to lovers, all these does not occur without any reasons. Love your partner when you still have the chance or else regret will come knocking on your door...

history will always remain as history...but does not mean history will be in the way of my future...years of memories will never be wiped off as simply as that...but life goes on...regardless of the time...I believe she will surely come when it is the right time for us to start...thrs no rush for that...keeping a relationship long enough does not prove that the bond will be strong and unbreakable...what measures the relationship is the way each other handles love and understand what love truly is...

today ive just discussed the possibilities of doing PhD with my supervisor...seems like part time would be the best solution...hopefully I can stil get the MyPhD scholarship thou im only taking part time...and hopefully I can fully understand the reasons I pursue PhD...not merely for the title but for the experience and thinking strategies...May God continue to lead me in this...

other things left for me to do?...house rent...such a headache...hopefully I can settle this soon and finally settle down with a suitable place for me to stay...I need to settle down first before starting all my plannings...and PhD of course...applications...scholarships...etc...many many things to do...

5 years to complete PhD and AR...can I do it? be strong and faithful! =)
July 15, 2012

对吗?


看着老爸愈来愈孩子脾气,
看着老妈愈来愈老迈乏力,
心里不禁担忧起来了。。。
我做对选择吗?继续留在柔佛发展是对的吗?
爸妈的年龄已开始步入令人担忧的阶段,我还能在外奔跑几年呢?
老爸又一直说要搬去柔佛住,老妈不想,我也认为在古晋比较理想,结果会是如何呢?
我能否尽快达到目标,回来古晋照顾他们吗?

July 12, 2012

何时?


原来人心可以一瞬间改变,
原来爱情可以是那么脆弱,
以前的 “我不会这样做”,
转眼间都尽在眼前。
眼眶何时得以不再涨水?
心何时得以不再被击碎?
July 8, 2012

PhD or not?


Practice vs Education. 

Will these two ever match? Everyone says that study PhD means becoming a lecturer or taking the path of education. If I dont have intentions to teach in university then dont take PhD. Is this a paradigm in typical Malaysia family? Lecturers need practical experiences as well to educate students to be ready for future world. Practising architects can improve their knowledge as well to further develop the architecture definition. Furthering studies does not necessarily decide one must only take up the path as an educator.

The dilemma of student ideas and works to be merely education works differed from real Malaysia architecture has been going since the start of architectural education in Malaysia. Do local architects lack the creativity or ability to design well? Not certainly. The problem I guess is about the limitations applied towards students during their education period. Local architecture students are trapped with the uncertainty of lecturers or education systems to bring them towards a unified target. Some goes for technicality, some goes for ideas, which ends up going nowhere. Architects in the real world lack the standings to hold on to meaningful designs as well. More architects are workers of their clients rather than designers. This culture passes on to fresh grads which fears the drive for change as well. 

Buildings and construction can bring human developments as well as devastation. Is Malaysia heading towards sustainable architecture or money-driven meaningless developments? Malaysia might not be the best place to live, Malaysia might not be better than other countries in certain aspects, but I believe there is still hope in Malaysia. Although the stress of races and religions might become more tense, the situation can still be changed and improved. Hopefully more Malaysians are willing to care for the future of Malaysia and our children who will be living in Malaysia then. Our time will come to an end anytime, the world does not belong to us, but all our generations will be using the earth. 

Love her or destroy her, it's our own choice.


July 6, 2012

25,启程咯!


在UTM读了五年的绘测系,终于来到了一个段落。五年里,发生了许许多多的事情。无论是喜或忧,它们都让我更加明白这世界,也让我学习以更加成熟的心态与思想去面对生活。
第一年进校,充满了好奇心,也充满着奋斗力,想要继续追求更好的成就。但发觉,一山还有一山高。中学时的成功,原来只是芝麻小事,完全不值得一提。在绘画,社交方面我彻底败了。好,我努力!
第二年,算是我在艺术湖里学游泳的一年。努力地读,看,画,不断地尝试,不断地失败。
第三年,非常惊喜地,佩诗也进入了UTM。之前的远距离恋爱,终于得到纾解了。这一年应该是最开心的一年吧!在教会的服事也渐渐地多了,但却很喜乐,因为为神为爱忙碌,成绩也没多差。反而更有信心了。
第四年,毕业的压力开始筑起。本想专心学业,因佩诗也忙于学业,所以谈心的时间少了,争吵的次数也多了。原以为这一切只是暂时性,也对她太有信心,而她也不愿花时间谈两人之间的事。我就放边了。
第五年,老师们的丑态,都看清了。这世界的确是不公平的,要成功,就要努力。虽然我不做神不喜悦的事,但我也要尽基督徒的本分去取得成就。虽然不是最好的,但我相信,在神眼中都会看为至宝,因为我尽全心去完成。第五年也是我爱情的劲爆期。毕业的最紧要关头,我忍受不了她的冷漠,向她问清楚了。结果,她真的提出了要冷静时期,而且是永无止境的冷静时期,她几时有决定就几时告诉我,冷静时期拒绝任何联系。我完全呆了。不知从哪来她突然肯告诉我了。无论我多么努力想挽回,求她一起解决,一起面对,她永远就是那句:我已经忍了很久,我不想再忍了。我在祷告上帝给我答案是否要继续忍还是可以离开你。没想到竟然从她口里冒出这句话。一直以来都叫我要包容她,现在却倒转了。。。因为我的一些习惯与脾气不合她心意,结果就要分了。以前的她不是这么不负责任的,为何现在会变成这样?还是其实这就是本性,一直以来被掩盖?冷静了几个月,她果然完全不在乎我的等待,最终又是我做坏人要求讲个清楚。答案当然是分啦!就这样,背着这遍体鳞伤的身躯,我尽力地去完成我的毕业作品与论文。虽然成果并非我所要的般理想,但总算过了。感谢主!在她决定分手的一段时间,我曾经质疑自己所相信的神,因为一直以来神都告诉我要爱佩诗的一切,要包容,要接纳,要懂得如何面对两个人的不同。但佩诗却说她从神那里得到的答案是与我分手。我非常困扰,因为就算在那时我还是一直不断地从神那里得到答案不要放弃对她的爱。我不晓得到底要如何。就这样,到现在为止,无论我多么地拒绝她在我心中的存在,依然会有声音叫我不要放弃对她的爱。
事隔已有七个月了,我究竟需要多少时间来放下这一直缠绕我的困扰呢?一年?五年?十年?对爱情的信心其实也已经彻底地塌了,也没勇气要去把它再次筑起。因为害怕再被伤害,害怕再次跌倒,我已经不敢再触摸爱情了。虽然神的声音不断,但我还是没勇气去修补这缺口。无论她分手的原因是一还是二,我都一样害怕。一直认为基督徒可以由神带领去爱对方,但事实并非如此。回想起来,原来她在提出分手前一年已开始改变了。她可能一直坚定分手是因为性格不合,没第三者。对!当然跟我在一起时没第三者。她可能不愿接受自己被影响,但她的想法,她的观点都变了,跟他的友好度甚至超越了我。分手后才更加亲密,结果就是我没权力知道他们俩的事了。好棒的理由!之前所说所梦想的一切,竟也全然否认。我服了。一整年我不断地为她做这做那,关心她爱她的同时,她的心里想的都不是我。是我愚蠢吗?爱难道不应该尽全力去爱吗?
现在,就将要踏入社会了,背负着破碎的心,我该如何面对社会的险恶与毒语呢?一切都得自己面对,没人分享喜怒哀乐了,唯有神。家人朋友往往都给不了深层的安慰,只有神是可以永远依靠的了。 加油吧!为了我的理想,我一定要努力,无论有任何拦阻,我都一定要跨过!30,35,40,45,50。等着吧!我一定会努力达到目标的!25,启程咯!
July 3, 2012

原来。爱。


原来,在一年前,一切已经变了。
原来,在一年前,那颗心早死了。
原来,一切,都只是自己单方面的付出。
原来,爱,可以那么傻。。。
原来,爱,可以那么伤。。。
这次,真的心死了。
阿爸,别再叫我等了,我真的不行了。
June 16, 2012

Strengthen


Strengthen my faith dearest Lord, Ive chosen to stay in Malaysia, despite all the downturns and negativities, for my vision is on this piece of land. Singapore is tempting in terms of salary and living quality, but Malaysia indeed needs the healing and revival of God's grace and glory, and Im here to serve and follow. Strengthen my heart, heal our land.


June 10, 2012

到了


剩下五天的时间,外来阻扰又一箩箩,我究竟能完成吗?
辛苦了一年的宝贝,结果可以像我想要的一样吗?
June 5, 2012

remind me who i am


Thanks for reminding who I am again. Life's been pushy and I might struggle but with You nothing is impossible! I belong to You forever!

Life = Game ?


Can life be played using a game?
Is life a game?
Every decisions you make, every single thing that you do,
It might hurt someone deeply and leave an everlasting mark.
This never occurs in the game.
What is a LIFE?
What is a game?
You can master the game and become the winner,
but it does not prove anything.
You can played the game and experience 'trial' life to the fullest,
but what purpose does it serve?
You may realize you should do what and should not do what after the game,
but in real life situation do you really do what you should do?
Life isn't a game.
There's no trials, no turning back.
Stop playing your life,
think carefully how you live,
care for those around you,
appreciate those who love you.
June 4, 2012

对不起。够了。


父啊,对不起。。。
我不能继续了,
心愈来愈痛,一再而再地被打碎。
我不想再被伤害,
为何要继续,等待一个跟别人开心享乐的人。
听也听够了,看也看足了,
难道真的要像傻瓜一样痴痴的被伤害。
我想要的是一个会珍惜我的人,
她今天可以这样伤害我,明天也一样。
父啊,请允许我放弃吧!
June 3, 2012

if this was a movie


Last night I heard my own heart beating
Sounded like footsteps on my stairs
Six months gone and I'm still reaching
Even though I know you're not there
I was playing back a thousand memories, baby
Thinking 'bout everything we've been through
Maybe I've been going back too much lately
When time stood still and I had you

Come back, come back, come back to me like
You would, you would if this was a movie
Stand in the rain outside 'til I came out
Come back, come back, come back to me like
You could, you could if you just said you're sorry
I know that we could work it out somehow
But if this was a movie you'd be here by now

I know people change and these things happen
But I remember how it was back then
Wrapped up in your arms and our friends were laughing
'Cause nothing like this ever happened to them,
Now I'm pacing down the hall, chasing down your street
Flashback to the night when you said to me,
"Nothing's gonna change, not for me and you
Not before I knew how much I had to lose"

Come back, come back, come back to me like
You would, you would if this was a movie
Stand in the rain outside 'til I came out
Come back, come back, come back to me like
You could, you could if you just said you're sorry
I know that we could work it out somehow
But if this was a movie you'd be here by now

If you're out there
If you're somewhere
If you're moving on
I've been waiting for you
Wary since you've been gone
I just want it back the way it was before
And I just wanna see you back at my front door
And I say

Come back, come back, come back to me like
You would before you said it's not that easy
Before the fight, before I locked you out
But I take it all back now
Come back, come back, come back to me like
You would, you would if this was a movie
Stand in the rain outside 'til I came out
Come back, come back, come back to me like
You could, you could if you just said you're sorry
I know that we could work it out somehow
But if this was a movie you'd be here by now

You'd be here by now
It's not the kind of ending you wanna see now
Baby, what about the ending
Oh, I thought you'd be here by now, whoa
Thought you'd be here by now 

 
May 30, 2012

Andy and Sonia


ah...such a wonderful wedding...congrats Andy and Sonia... =)

 

 


May 29, 2012

依然。



一闪一闪亮晶晶 留下岁月的痕跡
我的世界的重心 依然还是你
一月一月又一月 飛逝僅在一转眼
唯一永远不改变 是不停的改变

我不像从前的自己 你也有点不像你
但在我眼中你的笑 依然的美丽
日子只能往前走 一个方向順时钟
不久之后 或许你已找到你的幸福

我依然愛你 將是唯一的退路
我依然珍惜 時時刻刻的幸福
你每個呼吸 每個動作 每個表情
依然在 触动我 依然愛你

我依然愛你 或许是命中注定
我心深处 或许任何人都無法填补
那些时光 是我這一輩子最美好的
那些回忆 依然無法忘記

我依然愛你 這是唯一的退路
我依然珍惜 時時刻刻的幸福
你每個呼吸 每個動作 每個表情
到永遠 藏心底 依然愛你

致 
看不见我心的你
依然愛你 也许是妄想 
但这是我的执著 
只在心中 默默的 依然
May 26, 2012

敬畏,智慧,尊荣,谦卑


敬畏耶和華是智慧的訓誨; 尊榮以前, 必有謙卑。- 箴言15:33

- 敬畏,智慧,尊荣,谦卑 -
敬畏神,与追求名牌,科技,等等。哪样值得?
一切实物皆有时限,但神永远不过时。
人往往很聪明,但有智慧吗?
不断地付出陆续地努力,终究得到的是什么?
成功与焦点,不代表我最行;
可能只是一时的得意,不经意的它就会溜走。
失败与低落,不代表我不行;
可能是我太骄傲了,是时候学习谦卑,谨记自己的方向与目标。
May 23, 2012

dare to believe



It's feeling like our time's run out
But the hourglass just flipped itself over again
The sun is slowly sinking down
But on the other side a new day waits to begin

If you dare to believe in life
You might realize that there's no time for talking
Or just wait around while the innocent die

No more
We're gonna lose everything
If we believe all the lies
I may fall but I swear that I'll help you believe
No more
This world is running on empty
And there's no reason why
You may fall but I know that you'll help me believe

We've been in the dark for way too long
But when we turn around we see a light shine through the haze
So forget about who was wrong
Cause I've never been more ready to turn this page

If you swear you believe in life
Embrace forgiveness cause it's all that I'm asking
Or keep holding out while the innocent die

No more
We're gonna lose everything
If we believe all the lies
I may fall but I swear that I'll help you believe
No more
This world is running on empty
And there's no reason why
You may fall but I know that you'll help me believe

No more
We're gonna lose everything
If we believe all the lies
You may fall but I swear that I'll help you believe
You may fall but I swear that I'll help you believe
I may fall but I swear that I'll help you believe
May 21, 2012

speaking their language


"Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it." Proverbs 22:6 (NIV 1984)

"I'm not joining Facebook and I'm not texting you. Don't text message me either. If you want to tell me something, you'll have to speak to me! You kids don't know how to have conversations anymore."

"But Grandpa, you are missing out on so much in my life."

The grandpa's scowl said it all: "I don't care."

This conversation, which I overheard, haunted me for days. I bet Grandpa did care. He just didn't know how to relate to his granddaughter, and new technology probably scared him. I admit it scared me at first too. I'm not fond of change.

When my children were younger, breakfast time consisted of a meal, devotion, and Bible-reading together. I didn't work outside the home like I do now, so I had more time in the morning.
Now I have to make sure the kids are ready, and I am too! There are six people running around, fighting for two bathrooms, grabbing a quick bite to eat, and racing out the door. I miss the intentional time spent teaching my children what I consider most important: God's Word.

Watching my now-teenaged son text message at lightning speed on his cell phone one evening, I wondered: Would it make a difference if I texted my kids a Bible verse each day? I dismissed the thought, thinking it silly to send a text when they should be reading God's Word for themselves.
Then I thought of Grandpa, his refusal to his granddaughter, and her reply. I didn't want to miss out like he was.

Texting my kids a verse each day may not radically change their lives, but then again it might. I wondered, would Jesus text if He were here today?

While on earth, Jesus used language that His audience understood, depending on where He was and the culture of that area. His purpose and message did not change, but His delivery and presentation sometimes did. Jesus reached people where they were. He walked, rode, sailed, and taught at homes, hillsides, banquets, and dinner tables.

It's been a year now since I've started texting Bible verses to my children. Usually I get a response like "thanks" or no response at all, but sometimes I'll receive a verse back. I send them the same verse so, if the opportunity arises, we can talk about it together.

Texting connects with my children because I'm speaking their language. The message hasn't changed, but for the purpose of effectiveness the delivery has, for me and my kids. And much to my delight, sometimes they forward the verse to a friend or two.

Texting may not be my favorite way to communicate, but if it ministers to my children, I don't want to miss it. It's just one more way I can continue to "train up" my children.

This week, let's be on the lookout for new ways we can share God's Word by speaking our kids language.

Power Verses:
Psalm 119:105, "Your word is a lamp for my feet, a light on my path. (NIV)
Proverbs 31:28-29, "Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: 'Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.'" (NIV)

SOURCE: http://www.proverbs31.org/devotions/speaking-their-language-2012-05/  



"Abba Father, as Christians, I am often selfish and timid for often keeping my daily life to Christians only. You want us to share out Your words, Your blessings. Amidst the billions of living souls in mother earth, how many have I approached? What ways am I using to approach them? Dear God, change is hard for me, but if there is a way You'd like for me to change for the sake of another, then I will try. Please grant me the perseverance to pursue my vision and the wisdom to achieve that. I may not be the best candidate and I may not succeed looking at what I have now but with Your strength I believe I can. With Your help all things are possible. In Jesus mightiest name, Amen."
May 18, 2012

再次提醒自己,加油!


爱是恒久忍耐,又有恩慈
爱是不嫉妒
爱是不自夸不张狂
不做害羞的事,不求自己益处,
不轻易发怒,不计算人的恶。
不喜欢不义,只喜欢真理。

凡事包容,凡事相信
凡事盼望,凡事忍耐
爱是永不止息 
-哥林多前书 13:4-8-
 
心烦时,再次提醒自己,加油!
 

gracefully conversed


"Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone." Colossians 4:6 (NIV)
人的嘴可以伤害他人,亦可造就他人。
这经节说得很妙!
我的嘴,是否真的充满着造就人的恩典?抑或是被怒气所控制?
今天真的被房友激得差点爆血管。

第一件事,
下课后我拨电给他大约十几次,想问他要不要打包,他没接。
本想不理他了,因为其他朋友叫我一起吃。
为了他我拒绝了,还特地回房想问问他。(怀疑他在睡觉)
可是,猜猜看他在做什么?online, facebook, youtube!
哇!!!我那时真的是哑口无言。
我到了block前还在call他,他都没接,问他为什么没接,他只说:哈?你call我吗?然后继续玩电脑。
。。。。。。
老兄。。。我。。。
想了一想,还是消了。唯有自个儿去打包。(他已经打包了)

第二件事,
我煮了整锅的红豆汤,本想分给coursemate们的,叫他自己拿一碗。
猜猜他又做了什么?我睡醒后,整锅红豆汤只剩下一汤匙加几粒红豆!
。。。。。。
我真的是无话可说。。。
他竟然一个人吃完!

世界上尽然有这种人,其他人对他好,他尽然毫无感恩之心,毫无分享之心。
好像我所做的一切都是理所当然,都是要为了他罢了。老兄,你与我非亲非故,因你是朋友一场所以对你好,请你好好珍惜吧!
假如我真的在那时破口大骂,肯定会搞得大家不欢,有何必要呢?
假如真要他改,应该用更正确的方法帮助他吧!
发怒时言语行为都会被牵引,所做的一切也并非理智的决定。
的确,要好好善用这张嘴去造就人,而非伤害人,不简单。
是一个挑战,是一个我一定要学习的挑战!

524 + 615 cont.


Countdown to FREEDOM! + Accumulation of STRESS!

Preliminary Final Thesis Assessment - 6 days

Final Thesis Assessment - 28 days

"God please grant me wisdom and strength to complete a meaningful thesis for Your glory and kindness! Grant me the will of perseverance and the heart of love. I am weak but You give me strength. I know I ain't fighting alone. My aims, my targets, my visions, can be accomplished with You. In Lord Jesus mightiest name I pray. Amen"
May 15, 2012

教。师。


教师,对你来说是一个怎样的人呢?
教师,是否是大学录取后的渣滓呢?还是一份安稳福利好的工作呢?
在现今社会里,还有多少教师真的抱着教与师的态度来对待学生们?
教,将自己所有的知识于技巧都教于学生们。
师,以自己的品格与态度成为学生们的榜样。
所谓:十年树木,百年树人。
人一生的成就,并非一瞬间形成。
人的观点习惯,也并非能在短时间内彻底改变。
一位教师的影响力,可能无法在几年内浮现。
学生的未来,虽须靠自己的智慧努力得到。
但,在学生们心底深处,这棵种子已萌芽。
一位有责任感与爱心的教师,好比这种子在肥沃的土地中成长。
一位为了过生活领薪水的教师, 好比这种子在充满荆棘的土地中成长。
祝愿所有教师们 “教师节快乐!”
国家的未来,您是主角其一。
May 14, 2012

hiding my tears


extracted from http://www.proverbs31.org/devotions/hiding-my-tears-2012-05/

"You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book." Psalm 56:8b (NLT)

For years I kept my tears far from the eyes of anyone else. I simply refused to cry in front of anyone. However, someone else wanted to store my tears! And in a far better place than the corners of my heart. Isn't it amazing to think each droplet we've shed over our years of experiences has been collected in a precious bottle? Held near and dear to our Father's heart.

God doesn't laugh when we cry. He doesn't tell us to toughen up or turn the page on our tears like they don't exist. Instead, He picks us up on His lap and wraps us in His loving arms as we pour out our hearts to Him. Our Lord loves for us to let Him in on our deepest felt emotions.

I wonder what might cause your tears to flow right now—unanswered prayers ... unmet promises ... uncertainties of life—they are seen and saved by the One who comforts and cares for your every need.
Whatever is holding you back, may I encourage you? Open the floodgate of your heart and release your tears, sit quietly with the Lord and listen. Journal. Or take a walk and give your tears to Him. His arms are open and He is waiting for you to come to Him.


Power Verses:

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ...who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God." 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 (NIV)

"Trust in him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge." Psalm 62: (NIV)


"Dear Lord, thank You that You created me with tear ducts and all. Keep me from hiding my emotions and my fear. Grant me the courage to cry, knowing that You will be there to comfort and console my heart in all of life's circumstances. Your love never fails and I am so very grateful. In Jesus' Name, Amen."

妙!


生活有时就是这么奥妙!当你想遇见时偏偏就不让你遇见,当你不想见时却偏偏让你碰个正着,还得逼自己以微笑去面对。。。妙!

一直以来都只是听别人告诉我,而我还不断地替她说话。
今天,意料之外尽让我亲眼看见。我,无话可说了。。。

tiada ternilai


Found this song coincidentally. By True Worshippers, a christian band in Indonesia. Wonders of God in Indonesia. Marvelous malay praise songs. The lyrics are simple but somehow it touched my heart.

TIADA TERNILAI, by Andre Hermanto

Verse 1:
Di hati-Mu terukir namaku
Di mata-Mu terlukis wajahku
Bukan karna kuat gagahku
Namun hanya karna kemurahan-Mu

Verse 2:
Meski terkadang aku terjatuh
Tak pernah lelah Kau hampiriku
Memelukku dengan cinta-Mu
Betapa besar mulia kasih-Mu

Chorus:
Bagi-Mu Tuhan
Sgala Pujian
Hormat Kemuliaan
Tiada Ternilai
Salib-Mu Tuhan
Sungguh Berharga Engkau...Yesus


The chinese version is quite nice as well =)
我的名字刻劃在你心中
我的臉孔深印在你眼中
不是因為我勢力才能
乃是因著你奇妙寬容恩典

雖然有時我會跌倒軟弱
你卻一直包容不放棄我
用你慈愛緊緊的擁抱
我讚美你寶貴奇妙大愛

#唯有你配得所有的讚美
一切尊貴榮耀
主你的十架,是無價至寶
你是我尊貴的主耶穌


Thanks Lord for the healing today!
May 12, 2012

五月的告白



明天就是母亲节。
母亲节,对你来说有何意义?
我的母亲,是我人生的骄傲,是我永远的挚爱!
母亲,是世上其中一位永远都爱我的人,另一位唯有父亲。
母亲,无论我多叛逆,她都以爱心来教导我。
母亲,无论我犯了多少错,她都依然原谅我,期待我改过。
母亲,无论我多么地不浪漫,她都以灿烂的微笑点亮我的心。
母亲,永远不会因为我忙碌忽略她而责怪我遗弃我。
母亲,永远不会因为别人的孩子比我好而不爱我了。
母亲,永远不会因为生活忙碌辛苦而离开我,向我出气。
母亲,谢谢您的爱!谢谢您对神的敬畏与衷爱!
母亲,您是我永远的榜样!
Mummy, 我爱你!祝您健康喜乐!
May 11, 2012

少批评。多鼓励。



May 9, 2012

累,但我决不放弃!


累了,今天真的很累。。。
thesis 做了快一年,今天 crit 后感受最糟糕!
感觉自己好像没有动力了。

一直都有很多的想法,但到最后都没办法达到。
一直都不断地去尝试,但到最后都还是败了。。。
别人轻轻松松就可得到老师的认可,自己不断地改进却也还是有问题。
很想一个人静静地坐在某某地方,默默地感觉四周围的动静。
好久没静思,从新充电了。。。

人生其实追求的是什么呢?
成就?名利?财物?
没有好成绩,可以有好的生活吗?
自己不是什么名门家族的后代,也没什么艺术天分,唯有靠后天的努力与坚持方能达到目标。
我真的有能力在40岁时开始社会福利的机构吗?还是这一切都只是幻觉?
别人靠关系靠背景可轻而义举地成功,我只能靠最强的上帝是否也一样可以成功?
虽然没办法肯定自己所听见的是100% 正确,但可以肯定的是这是我的目标,成或败我都要尽一切所能去完成!而现今眼前最大的跨栏就是 thesis!我一定要克服它!豁出去了!

累,但我决不放弃!



May 8, 2012

523 + 615


Countdown to FREEDOM! + Accumulation of STRESS!

Preliminary Final Thesis Assessment - 15 days

Final Thesis Assessment - 38 days

"God grant me wisdom and strength to complete a meaningful thesis for your glory and kindness! Amen"

May 7, 2012

is he/she the one for me?


Someone shared this in Facebook today. Do you agree? I agree to a certain extent but even if you think he/she is the one, he/she might not think you are the one. So it's kinda pointless... =(

By YourTango.com | Love + Sex – Mon, Mar 19, 2012 12:36 PM EDT

Even when you're crazy about someone, it can often be hard to know if he or she is "right" for you. How do you know you won't feel differently in a year? Ten years? A lifetime? Deciding if you can commit to someone is a deeply personal determination, and everyone has different criteria. As in any verdict, you have to start by assessing the evidence. With that in mind, YourTango has come up with 15 signs that you're dating a soul mate. You don't have to check off all of these points to be sure about someone-but if you can say yes to several, you've found someone very special.

1. You tell him things you don't tell anyone else. We don't mean blurting something out after you've had too much merlot, but the desire to tell him intimate details about your life means you trust him-a major component of successful long-term love.

2. You let her see you in moments of weakness. It's easy to be happy with someone when you're feeling good about life. But what about when you're not doing so well? Do you want to see her when you've been denied a raise, or your cat died or you had a plain old bad day? She should be a comfort during tough times, not a burden.

3. You respect him. You don't want to change the essence of who he is. There may be stuff that irritates you in everyday life-he insists on wearing his favorites, holey T-shirt, he eats sugar cereal for dinner, he still watches Saturday morning cartoons-but you like him, plain and simple.

4. You want him to meet your parents. You feel proud of him and you want to show him off-as opposed to feeling like you have to make excuses for him.

5. You can imagine a future together. You don't have to practice writing your first name with his last name, but do you periodically let your mind wander to picture a life together? Is it amazing?

6. You're not afraid to disagree with him. You know that even if you fight, he'll listen to you and won't brush you off. He takes you seriously, even when he thinks you're wrong.

7. You want to work out your major differences. If you do have crucial differences that will impact your future together-different opinions about religion, money or something else-you want to work them out with him, and you believe you can come to a conclusion that will satisfy both of you.

8. You laugh together. Laughter is one of life's simplest pleasures-you should definitely be able to crack each other up.

9. You're incredibly, utterly, surprisingly attracted to her. Physical chemistry is an undeniably important ingredient in a healthy relationship. And if she's not a classic beauty or your usual "type"? Even more reason to think she's the one.

10. It's OK to be quiet around her. You don't feel like you have to fill the space between you with chatter or other interaction. Instead, you feel an easy comfort.

11. You feel like yourself around him. You don't feel like you have to edit your thoughts; you're not self-conscious or anxious.

12. You need him the right amount. You long for him-but not too much. Some neediness is good but too much breeds discontent.

13. You don't feel too jealous. You're comfortable with him going out with his friends-even female friends. You let each other have your own lives and hobbies.

14. You feel like she makes you a better person. She makes you feel smart, funny, attractive, creative-like the best version of yourself. You feel like she brings out and complements the best parts of you.

15. She just gets you. Sometimes it's that easy. You feel like she understands some essential part of you that you can't explain or articulate. It's a warm, comfortable feeling-and one you should have with the person you marry.

because it's you


Love the overall mood and tone of this OST for Love Rain drama from KBS. The main actress for this drama is SNSD Yoona.

Because It's You, by SNSD Tiffany


don't say that you are sorry
this isn't the end of our love to me
if we separate like this
what should I do, what should I do
I only have you as my love, but I'm not able to love
those words that really want to say, I'm not able to tell you
words telling me that we cant keep our love from gradually breaking apart
make me cry

don't say that you are thankful
I want to give you all my love
if we become strangers like this
what should I do, what should I do
I only have you as my love, but I'm not able to love
those words that really want to say, I'm not able to tell you
words telling me that we cant keep our love from gradually breaking apart
make me cry

I love u, because I love you
what should I do
it's ok even if love is painful
because you are the one I can never forget
even if you are my sorrowful destiny, I can't let go of you
because it's you, the one I love
because to me, you are the one

miss.hope.


it's been some time since picking up my guitar and playing anything I feel like to...
singing along with my own lyrics...
becoming a DIY songwriter...
studying architecture is indeed time consuming...and sometimes tiring...
does it mean I do not have passion for it? I certainly do not think so.
I love architecture, I love the effect that architecture can bring to mankind, and I truly wish that I can be an architect who does that with architecture, along with my call to reach out for the poor...

but I am still a human who needs food and rest...
I am still a human who can laugh and cry with emotions...

I miss those times...
. when I can sit in the car by the airport watching planes taking off and landing on...
. traveling to places around the world, looking at different lifestyles, expressions, interactions, activities, architecture, etc..camping with church friends, exploring around and chatting overnight doing crazy stuff...
. following my mum to shopping and dad to work...they are all filled with signs of aging now...Im worried I will lost them one day...

I hope for the times...
. when I can fly myself in one plane one day...
. when I can explore around with my camera capturing all the droplets of life of mankind....
. when building and nature coexists...
. when I can have friends that aren't with me just for the sake of what I can give them... 
. when I can have a soul mate that shares the same frequency as me, be it guy or girl...is it true that guys are harder to share things out? lol
. when I can see the world, or at least Malaysia being a peaceful country with low crime rates and united citizens regardless of culture and background...

these are things that I truly opt for in my life...
all these are the only things able to put a smile in my heart...
but none of them are happening nowadays...
work can be a part of it but should not be the whole...
I need a breakthrough!
May 6, 2012

放。



今天,
突然有人说我还放不下她,是吗?。。。
说放,的确没完全放下,我也不会忘记她。
她是我的过去,是我的回忆;
曾是我的最爱,是我的未来。
虽然爱情已离了我,但我不会将她撤销。
她是我深爱过,愿终生陪伴的。
这,又怎能说放就放?

有人说人毕竟需要爱情。
的确,我需要。。。
但,不会再轻易踏入爱情了。
爱情的脆弱,爱情的背叛;
爱情的伤痛,爱情的离别。
这一切,我都不想再经历。
至少,如今我仍未对爱恢复信心。

当寂寞在我心中叩门时,能告诉自己的,就是忍耐。
神如果是要让我终生单身,我就跟。
神如果为我预备了会真心爱我的她,我也会努力追求。
一切唯有交托,凡事先求神的国和神的义。
我深信,神的预备,那一位愿意和我分享生活的她终会出现。

生命是脆弱的,人没多少时间可在这世上徘徊。
人生的意义,唯有向着标杆勇敢向前。
爱情,不会是我生命的主角。
爱神的人,方能真心爱他的伴侣。

May 5, 2012

COURAGEOUS



Watched this movie during tertiary fellowship this morning. A very touching and inspirational movie indeed, from the creators of Fireproof (another inspiring movie). Thou I am yet to be a father, there are still other elements that touched my heart. The whole story is roughly about 4 policemen and 1 good friend of them living up their daily life being a father. There are failures, temptations, lost of dearest, etc. throughout their life. As a father, how are they going to give the responsibilities and love their family? A must watch movie!


The movie started out with a blast when a man was fighting a car-stealer hanging on to the car for few streets and lastly succeeded in stopping the criminals. And to my surprise what he is trying to save is not the car, but his baby daughter inside the car. When he crawled half dead towards his car and opened the door revealing the crying baby, my tears went down as well.

The part that strikes deeply into my heart is after all 5 of them did the resolution in a grand ceremony and yet when the reality of life are greatly influencing their standing, how do they react? 1 of them 'lost the wheel' and got himself involved in drug dealings, even as a policemen, he knows it is wrong but yet he still does it, with only the reason to earn more money for living. When he ended up in the jail, he finally understands his mistakes as a Husband and as a Father. Another one stand in righteousness when the boss wanted him to join himself for corruption in exchange with higher position and increased salary, but it turns out to be just a test where the boss wants to find the most rightful person for the manager post. He has been struggling with financial burden before meeting these policemen friends, and he certainly does not want to go back to the life of living in poverty. Comparing the eagerness to provide the best for your family and to obey God's saying, which one will you choose? He chose to follow God's path and in the end succeeded. Our real life may not seem to be really that nice but it is true that as long as we follow God's path, He will provide everything for us. The third one actually has a terrible childhood with his father leaving him behind since young and never ever cared about him. With God's grace, he finally forgive his father whose already dead wishing that he can meet him in heaven. For the main character, who has been a terrible father before the death of his daughter finally realized and get nearer to God thus loving his wife and son more. Willing to put aside his own ego and age but to choose to spend more time for his son. Finally he is able to influence others with his own experiences and changes of life he has made.






A strong message conveyed in the plot is that many juveniles nowadays are caused by an irresponsible father that do not care and lead the family well. I agree with that. The most effective way to solve youngsters problem is to tackle it from their family.

Besides that, the plot is a bit different from Fireproof where Courageous shows the weakness of mankind when forced by the cruelness of reality. When things does not seem to be right in your eyes but God wants us to keep going and not give up, for He is always guiding us and providing us with everything that we need to serve our purpose of our lives. Be strong and courageous as God will never leave us behind!






主恩满满!


今天真是主恩满满!早上顺利完成 ATRIA 的工作;傍晚小组有糖水喝,因为小组所以去了祷告会,又因为祷告会,我坚定了自己未来的目标!祷告会后回到房又得知 PTPTN 的钱终于进了!感谢神!

今晚祷告会有关于国家。透过小组分享,向神宣告自己在未来要成立一个肢体,服务马来西亚穷苦的人民 ,确保每一位小孩都可得到好的教育,要栽培有建造力的未来主人翁!

这个梦想,自从中学时期就已经听见神的呼召。渐渐的,经过了许许多多的锻炼与肯定,失去了六年的感情,又毫无经意地接触到 Teach For Malaysia 和 Harvest Centre 的事工,最近对这看见更加清楚。但愿神继续带领,让我的目标可以达成,也希望有同伴可以彼此鼓励与扶持。为了更美好的未来,加油!


May 4, 2012


突然发现他们的合唱,太棒了!
出自星光大道的关诗敏,清纯有力的歌声!

一眼瞬間 (In A Moment) - Jason Chen x Sharon Kwan Cover


白茫茫的星光 洒在长长路上

想念的冰凉 你知道吗
你浅浅的微笑 深似海的眼光
都能掀起我 滔天的巨浪

你相信吗 这是命吗
这次我们放弃抵抗 哪怕拥抱
在身上 画下深深的伤

只要看你一眼一瞬间 哪怕是最后画面
我的世界 因为爱过而完美
谁都不该离太远 
只要看你一眼一瞬间 足够我熬过千年 
我不后悔 爱若让末日提前 

我们要一起 好好迎接那句点
白茫茫的星光 洒在长长路上
想念的冰凉 你知道吗
你浅浅的微笑 深似海的眼光
都能掀起我 滔天的巨浪

你相信吗 这是命吗
这次我们放弃抵抗 哪怕拥抱
在身上 画下深深的伤

只要看你一眼一瞬间 哪怕是最后画面
我的世界 因为爱过而完美
谁都不该离太远
只要看你一眼一瞬间 足够我熬过千年
我不后悔 爱若让末日提前
我们要一起 好好迎接那句点

如果相爱是错 错过又算什么
这一次我们 宁死不放手
往彼此的心里跳 跳过天荒地老

wo oh ...
只要看你一眼一瞬间 哪怕是最后画面
我的世界 因为爱过而完美
谁都不该离太远

只要看你一眼一瞬间 足够我熬过千年
我不后悔 爱若让末日提前
我们要一起 好好迎接那句点
______________________________________________________

被風吹过的夏天 (SummerBreeze) - Jason Chen x Sharon Kwan Cover




May 3, 2012

Clean? Dirty?


Bersih 3.0 rally has started and ended on 28th April, 2012. With the aims of asking government for a cleaner electoral system. Just that simple! But since it's related with politic, things get complicated. It is supposed to be a peaceful sit & protest rally, but it ended up with teargases, fights, vandalism, etc. Some say it's the evil side of the protesters, so the government is right and the citizens are wrong; some say it's a set up by ruling party to put blame onto the Bersih NGO, lots of saying, which is right and which is wrong? the truth may not be that important. As Malaysians are easily influenced by medias and friends, truth seems to be what is said by majority, adults lack of the independent to search for the real truth. And with Malaysia government's control over certain aspects, truth are sometimes never revealed. Only those who are involved will truly understand. So what is the future of Malaysia? with the system and culture that we have now, evolving from the past, the future is to be declining more or we have a chance to become better?

Looking on the comments on facebook, again it's sad seeing lots of naive replies relating Bersih with racial and religion issues. Yes, Malaysia might be having these problems but it is not what is aimed by Bersih participants. Political parties might be influencing the activity but certainly not race and religion. Bersih is not fighting for any specific race nor religion. Bersih is fighting for a clean and fair election where every vote counts and weighs the same. If our current ruling party has faith with their job done and has nothing to hide what is the need to go against Bersih? Just think. Why is Barisan National so afraid of losing? Why is Barisan always portraying the message that they should not lose?...A healthy democratic country should have proper political system where citizens choose their leaders fairly and leaders have the possibilities to be changed if they do not do their work well enough for the citizens. However, this is not seen in Malaysia. Malaysia has been ruled by Barisan for more than 50 years, lately these few years when opposition parties started to strengthen and some has been able to represent the citizen better than Barisan, things start to change. Lots of conspiracies and tactics are used to make sure that Barisan remains as government ruling party. With a lot of problems created by Barisan yet the votes seem to be holding them as government. Are the votes really being cast fairly by Malaysians? Are there something behind that public do not know? Only God and those involved know...

Let us all continue to pray for Malaysia and work harder for a better Malaysia. Malaysia is my homeland, even though I am a Chinese and a Christian, I love Malaysia. I have never thought of overpowering Malays or Indians or any other races. I just wish we all live peacefully together and we tackle issues constructively based on the issue itself and not the race or religion involved.


UTM - Bahau - Juasseh - UTM


四月的最后一天,我尽然驾了人生的第一次250公里,一路从工艺大学到马口卫理公会。这么远的路程,就为了看看久违了的朋友过得如何。非常感恩神保守一路平安,车子没发脾气,车内四人也有说有笑。原本还有点担心,因为身体状况没很好,这星期又有很多事情得完成。但还是没后悔!

这次的旅程,其实是为了探望一位大学姐妹,毕业后就到了Juasseh当老师。她是透过参与Teach For Malaysia到那里服务,以老师的身份把爱与关怀带给那些有需要的学生。非常棒的一位姐妹,非常棒的一份委身。与我的决心有点相似,希望可以透过她继续地激励自己不要放弃。

虽然这两天没很多的时间交流,因为白天与姐妹们一同参加马口教会的家庭营。讲员尽是万富奇牧师!马口的弟兄姐妹也非常热情,非常有爱心。虽然我们是第一次,也不会继续参与他们,他们还是依然把我们当一家人了!营会参与者多为长辈们,但他们的活力与参与度让我大大吃惊了!我原本只想静静地去享受平静的爱心,但他们的热情,让我非得一样尽力地去参与马口的大家庭。

晚间,第一个给了‘复仇者’ - Avengers 这部电影。第二个才真正有机会大家一起聊天。已经好久好久没这种感觉了。就这样纯粹地闲聊,没任何科技的干扰,没任何外在享受的干扰。其实有些事情很想说,但不知为何又没说,也没人提起。可能有些事情是无需说出来的吧,就让时间来决定!但我相信四位姐妹们这两天的相聚应该很开心吧!小小的一点付出,可以带给她们欢乐,这就足够了。

这次的旅程,虽然感觉上自己真有点像司机,哈哈!但总算自己的目的达到了。 但愿神继续赐福于这么棒的一位姐妹!继续透过她去祝福更多的人!在这深深地祝福她。。。要加油!坚决持守!

image courtesy of Julie Lee
April 15, 2012

悔改。信


今天这主日,特别有感触。。。
真的得感谢神,感谢神依然爱我!
崇拜信息再次点燃了我的使命,告诉我一切的顺境逆境都有神的带领。
为了神,我不能放弃我的人生目标!
主日学更让我反省自己是个罪人,让我记得不止要知错,还要懂得改!
悔改,就是要懊悔,并改过!
要成为全新的人,就要完全地改掉神所不喜悦的心思意念,言行举止。

今日的孤单,冷落;翌日的成长,爱护!
可能神让我经历这一切,就是要让我懂得何谓真爱。
无论将来的她是哪一位,无论我依然爱着的她是否会再次接受我;
但愿这一切挫折可让我改掉我一直努力想改的坏习惯,
让未来的她可以真心与我共同创造喜乐美满的家园!
因为神永无止境地爱我,我更不应该放弃爱!
因为神不求回报地爱我,我更不应该要求爱的回报!

April 14, 2012

伤心时


最伤心的是,当你心爱的人尽然。。。
有需要时对你百般亲爱;没需要时把你当透明。
在一起时说不能失去你;想和你分手时却把你抛得远远的。
一时可以爱你爱得天花乱坠;一时可以对你完全没感觉了。
一口说你最棒;另一口又说别的男人有多棒。
无论你对她多么好,都是应该的;她对你不好,你却一声都不可出。
为什么爱情是这样的呢?
难道人间真的没真爱吗?
February 3, 2012

爱,碍


纠缠了3个月,终于有个了断了。六年的感情,说长不长,说短不短。太多的回忆,太多的思念,使我不得不狠心关闭自己。我想大概只有这样,我才能整顿自己,再次出发。虽然不想再次回到过去的自闭与孤僻,但再这样下去也没两样。爱情,真的很可怕,开心时什么都爱,什么都接受;累了就把你抛得远远的。这几年,我所做的一切,我的爱,原来都只是单方面。好傻好傻!无条件的爱她,关心她,结果还是不是她要的爱人。女人,我投降了。爱情,我不想再触摸了。有人说:只要不去拥有爱情,就不会失去它。我想这也该成为我的座右铭了吧!人世间唯一存在的爱,大概就只有神的爱吧!无论是任何人都会割伤你,唯有神一直地陪着。可能一个人过一辈子也没什么大碍,可能只有这样我才能成就更多事。我不晓得。一切,就只能交托了。。。
January 20, 2012

忘,放


想忘记,难。
想放下,难。
我究竟可以怎样?
我究竟要怎样做?

六年了,
已经把一切的思绪,情感,未来,
都委身于你。
为何现今你竟告诉我,我不是你的那一位?
为何上帝要这样来对待我?
你觉得我经得起这挫折吗?

你错了,
我不行了。。。
我真的不行了。。。
六年的岁月,
一切的毁约,一切的谎言,
我不想再触摸爱情了,
我不想再让自己受伤害了,
只想一个人安静地过下半辈子。

我,
忘不了,也放不了。
我,
死了。。。
January 2, 2012

‘武’ 新年?


今年的新年,有了钟洁希的贺岁专辑,
包你笑得乐开怀!哈哈哈!!!

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