to stay? to move?

to stay put or to make the move?
this is one tough question to be answered when you are facing your own fear and phobia.
life goes on no matter how deep the cut is,
should I stand up again and be brave to face the possibility of failing again?
I do not have many years more to spend on failures.
Or maybe the destiny is for me to strive ahead alone with Him?
Shall I give myself another chance?
I do not want to accept anyone nor reject anyone.
I hope I can have some true friends who are with me not because of what I have but because of who I am; friends that cherish the relationship and bonding, not just for what activities we can do together; friends that I can share my heart and they can understand me.
Is it really that hard to find that kind of friends?
Must it be a 'girlfriend' to be able to do these?
And how am I supposed to find a girlfriend that can love her boyfriend and truly treat him as a lifepartner-to-be? Admiring his ups and consulting his downs. Are there still these kind of girls existing not expecting her boyfriend to be a perfect guy or her dream guy? Only God knows...

so, again,
to stay put or to make the move?
may God lead the way, little ant has no confidence yet and have no idea why to build it up again.
For the sake of saving my loneliness? ridiculous...
For the sake of having a family and continuing God's kingdom? that will definitely need a wise girl who cherish Him and our relationship, not merely thinking for own favourite things to do.
For what other reasons?...this is a never ending story...
I suppose...the only key is till I meet the special girl who are not going after mankind enjoyment but for the love of our future family and God's kingdom.