人生如戏

好久又没什么动静了。。。今日不知为何有些许感触。。。

人生如戏。这句话的确没错。

每个人都很努力地在完成本身的那出戏。

有些人喜欢喜剧，有人喜欢哑剧，又有人喜欢歌舞剧，等等。

每个人看到的你，也就是舞台上的你；
很棒的演出？或错误百漏？
众人都很善于说三点四。但又有几个会真实去明白你背后的付出与牺牲？

就算是好朋友，就算是主内弟兄姐妹，也一样可以以本身所谓的 “圣洁” 眼光来论断你。最可笑的尽是他没明白整件事就胡乱下定论，而且还把自己说得如何洁净，不想被污染。他眼中的罪就是大罪，眼中认为小事就无所谓。世人都有罪，我们得以跟上帝连接关系，全因耶稣的死与复活。耶稣如何在罪人中行医治，拯救，安慰。他从不嫌弃对方曾经犯下多大的罪，他都愿意原谅并爱他们。一个所谓有多爱神的基督徒，却这样对待自己的好朋友，难怪现今社会里越来越多的人对基督教反感。基督徒不是一个圣人。我们也不会成为圣者，除非蒙神允许。

当爱你的弟兄，爱你的仇敌，连自己的弟兄都可以这样斜眼看待，何来的爱去告诉其他人神的恩典？一个舞台，一出戏，人的一生，就只有那么短短几年。追求圣洁的生活固然重要，一个基督徒要让人看出你的信仰，不应该因为你不可以做什么，而是因为你做了什么！基督徒最基本的爱，去了哪里？难道真的要落到换教会的下场？难道卫理公会里真的那么难找到一个真心爱神爱人的基督徒吗？难道都只是礼拜徒？崇拜徒？在教会里和在服事时充分地展现你的“高灵命”？过日常生活时却忘记了神给我们最大的使命？

求神怜悯，求神指引，只能，祈求。。。

生命，意外，福分

一场大雨，一片水花，红灯纷纷亮起。
我虽看见了，我虽反应了；
我的距离不算近，速度也不快；
但，还是来不及，就这样，第一次的撞车献给了连环车祸。
至今回想，还真的要感谢神，许许多多的事其实可能会很严重，但都没发生，经历的仅仅是一场看似普通的车祸。

脑海里还烙印着今早的一一惊幕。踩着煞车踏板，感觉好像没什么效果似的，车还是一样滑着向前，最后听到了‘砰’一声，再接着第二声 ‘砰’，整个人没向前冲的感受，只有呆着的表情。当时脑海里的确是一片空白，完全空白。人生里第一次有几秒钟我是完全什么都没想，也没再让自己什么都不想，单纯自然地就是一片空。不久后，回过神，才抓回整个状况。我驾着Michelle的车，车上四个人，原本是要载他们去机场飞回古晋。确认了大家都没事，我们就想下车，但只有我的车门可以开，而且是勉强地推开。车外的雨感觉上下得更大了，眼前一片漆黑，唯一的几线亮光，就是路过飞驰的车车灯所献。我车的引擎已经彻底没法启动了，望着前后几辆的状况，也和我大同小异。可恶的是，原来第一辆开始紧急煞车的家伙已经离开了，第二辆有下车看看情况，再和我们解释实况后也离开了，剩下第三，第四(我），第五辆留在现场没法走。原来第三辆也是要去机场，感谢主Roger今天没做工，call了他叫他来帮忙载他们先去机场，可怜的Michelle就被迫留下改天再回了。拖车的人手收风的速度的确非常惊人，我一下车他就出现了，怎么可能快成这样？哈哈！不过也好，少了纠纷，一切由他掌控。整个早上都在警察局，过后就修车厂。Michelle的车就这样安详在那里了，不晓得需要多久来修。

马来西亚的马路状况，还的确是许多车祸的起因。在警察局时也有另外几单车祸，同样地是因为路上的积水而造成。

这起车祸，可说是宝贵的一份学习吧！ 学习了当神允许一件事情的发生，不管如何都会发生，而且上帝的安排的确非常美妙。如果我驾的是自己的车，我想后果应该是不堪设想了。。。也因为不是驾自己车，所以没对我日常生活影响太大，有的就是更加小心，并珍惜自己所拥有的时间。因为此车祸，也终于肯定了自己放下了！整个过程，原来我完全没一刻想到她。我的生命已经不再需要等待她真实的答案，因为答案不再重要了。

生命的可贵在于珍惜眼前，过去固然重要，但只是重要的学习，不是拖脚石；未来虽然是个未知数,但是现在的决定造就未来的生活。

痴情男

男人，女人，
真的可以搞得非常复杂！
原来世上还真有痴情男，而且还是非常倔强自以为是的痴情男。
因为一些简单的问候与关心，就可以被他认为是喜欢他爱慕他，
哗！。。。
太不可思议了，他还可以说是女的先爱她而他考虑过后决定给她机会，
然后又可以说因为一些原因觉得还是不能在一起但又决定还是会包容她。
一切发生在他自己脑海里的想象竟可以被他说成像是真的似的。
太够力了咯！
又是透过他人送礼物，又是透过他人传话，
然后说自己有多么包容她愿意为她付出许多许多。。。
 女方已经跟他解释清楚，而他又有很多原因说女的有话不敢说啦，有些事隐瞒啦，等等，
认为她还是想跟他一起。。。
好复杂啊！
能说的只有一句，
如果我是女的我只会对他置之不理，让他自己厌倦而退。

new roommates!

New roommates in house! haha..had been wanting to have my own aquarium for a long time since I enter UTM..finally I can own one and start keeping one..

RM100 for the whole set with aquarium and filter and led light and decorations (dont like the decorations thou but the shop owner refuse to sell without decorations)..consider expensive? no idea..first time buying myself a small aquarium..

Hopefully they last long and my passion towards them lasts as well! Time to count my little guppy! =)

steady my heart, GIVE THANKS

a nice song to share, enjoy!

Steady My Heart by Kari Jobe

Wish it could be easy
Why is life so messy
Why is pain a part of us
There are days I feel like
Nothing ever goes right
Sometimes it just hurts so much

But You're here
You're real
I know I can trust You

Even when it hurts
Even when it's hard
Even when it all just falls apart
I will run to You
Cause I know that You are
Lover of my soul
Healer of my scars
You steady my heart [x2]

I'm not gonna worry
I know that You got me
Right inside the palm of your hand
Each and every moment
What's good and what gets broken
Happens just the way that You plan

But You're here
You're real
I know I can trust You

Even when it hurts
Even when it's hard
Even when it all just falls apart
I will run to You
Cause I know that You are
Lover of my soul
Healer of my scars
You steady my heart [x2]

And I will run to You
And find refuge in Your arms
And I will sing to You
Cause of everything You are

You steady my heart [x2]

再见2012，2013你好！

2012年的最后一两天，你在做什么呢？
一年的时间，说短不短，说长也不算长。

生活，

2012前半部，承受无比的压力与伤感。学业，爱情，友情，种种的打压。但感恩，因为有这些经历才让我更加成长，更加明白何谓生活。生活永远无法完全被掌握，只有努力追求做对的选择。

2012中部，生命第一个重大转折点，我选择了留在柔佛工作，开始我所要追求的理想。可能大家都会说，年轻时每个人都有梦想，但没几个人得以实现。也许我也会是其中一位，我能做的惟有不断努力，理想也许最终会变样，但一定要保住它的质！

2012后半部，进入‘社会’大学，生活相比读书的确不同。有时回想自己是否做对的选择，但不重要！重要的应该是信靠神部有安排！纵然眼前往往会遭遇挫败，不公平的待遇，期待的失落，但最终的结果永远无人能知。惟有信靠顺服！

2013，将会如何呢？现在的生活，开始习惯了一个人面对，没有了所谓的分享，聆听。对爱情亦恨亦爱，虽然还无法完全放下，但已经开始明白一切的后因，希望2013可以是我成功彻底放下的一年！爱，也许可能伤害我很深，也许可能充满着背叛，也许可能都是自私的；但，爱始终是最伟大，最温暖，最有价值的。2013年，加油！不要浪费26岁的黄金青春！

熬夜

就在最近这几天
我总是发呆老半天
盘旋在脑海中不去的是你的话语和难忘的笑脸
就在最近这几天
离开学校的日子很空闲
我总是有事没事就温习过去
还有从看我们的照片
飞呀。时间为何那么快的不见
一起欢笑一起流泪的日子，
将这记念点缀成美丽的画面
飞呀，我请月光洒在我的身边
我将学习如何去思念，我将熬夜会为这几年日记每一面
我曾经为你熬夜。只为了做你那生日卡片。
一起熬夜一起准备明天的测验
过了今天也许只能说再见
能不能在次陪我熬夜聊天
为你熬夜帮你录下你最爱的影片
一起熬夜一起在网上费话连篇
过了很多天我们熬过多少夜
就让我唱这一首歌。
请陪我熬夜到明天

听到这首歌，突然又想起了她。
一年多了，不晓得她现在过得如何？
应该是很开心很幸福吧，可以寻找她向往的真爱。
纵然有再多的舍不得，在她心中也许分文不值吧。
朋友们都开始心心相伴，开花结果，自己却一无所有。
五年的心血，时间，真情，全付出在她身上了；现在，没了。
心中的那根刺，我想也许只有她可以拔掉吧。
但是，她心里应该已经没有我这个人的存在了，又怎会来拔掉呢？
到底要如何可以这么快忘掉一段感情然后又投入新的呢？为什么就是做不到呢？
再多一年的时间？两年？三年？
很多人都可以很潇洒地忘掉忘掉，为何我就只能在外表装着若无其事呢？
很希望生命有个伴，但却害怕爱情。能有什么方法呢？
人，心，面，思，好奥妙的四个字！

1+1 = 1

2 movies in a weekend! Haha!

Love both movies; The Hobbit is surely an absolute marvel since my all-time favourite movie is Lord of the Ring! Nothing much to describe, just watch her yourself! You can ignore my words if you are not a LOTR fan. LOL =D

The Hobbit

Life of Pi is a story that somehow makes me think of what is the meaning of life to me and what truly is the meaning of God to me and His presence in my life. I wonder if the director Ang Lee is a christian or multi-religion guy like Pi? His movies are always filled with wonderful sceneries but Life of Pi somehow gives too much computer effects which I dont really like, but still thumbs up for a simple cast of a man and a tiger to be directed in such an interesting way!

Life of Pi

Connected Communities

argh...I'm stuck!
16 days left to submit the proposal for this competition --> http://communities.challenge.my/

and I still have no solid ideas to develop. Time to crack my brain and start thinking! Hopefully I can win at least a honorary mention, can I? seriously need some extra income. LOL! or maybe somehow the entry ideas can be used and communities can be better? Let's go hard for it!

当病魔来时。。。

病魔，岁月，已经逐渐地远离了。。。
当你知道你身边的朋友，一位25岁，年轻有为，前途似锦的青年人，患上了淋巴癌，肺里有静坐一粒13cm大的肿瘤，你会有何反应？
生活上原本每天早上晚上都可看见他，知道他痛苦，不舒服。但却没想到竟然会有这样的事发生在我现在这年龄的朋友上。我能如何？
除了外在的帮助，口上的鼓励，内心的祈祷，我还能做什么？
外表的他很镇定和乐观，但看得出他还是会有点担心，有压力。
毕竟他家里也有其它事情，婆婆和爸爸也是有病，妈妈又刚辞职来照顾他们，现在又多一单，假如我是他，我也是会有压力，不想再给家人添麻烦。
当病魔来时，的确是防不胜防。
一生的追求，可能就轻而易举地被毁灭了，成为一生的医疗。
人生，究竟活着是为什么？亲情？爱情？财富？游乐？
短短的70-80年，甚至有可能30年都不到，你的任务就得中断了，该追求的究竟是何物？
我不晓得我可以活多久，但我只能肯定地告诉自己要用一生去追求神给我的使命 。
无论能否完成，无论是否要单独一个人面对一切，我都要用我每一口气息去努力，去渴望，去追求！

少计较，多付出，必有福！

生活有时就是这么不公平，
披着疲惫生病的身躯还得超时工作，
有些人却可以随口说一个理由就走人。

但我相信吃亏不一定是件坏事，
少计较，多付出，必有福！
太累了，头昏脑涨，该睡了！晚安！

to stay? to move?

to stay put or to make the move?
this is one tough question to be answered when you are facing your own fear and phobia.
life goes on no matter how deep the cut is,
should I stand up again and be brave to face the possibility of failing again?
I do not have many years more to spend on failures.
Or maybe the destiny is for me to strive ahead alone with Him?
Shall I give myself another chance?
I do not want to accept anyone nor reject anyone.
I hope I can have some true friends who are with me not because of what I have but because of who I am; friends that cherish the relationship and bonding, not just for what activities we can do together; friends that I can share my heart and they can understand me.
Is it really that hard to find that kind of friends?
Must it be a 'girlfriend' to be able to do these?
And how am I supposed to find a girlfriend that can love her boyfriend and truly treat him as a lifepartner-to-be? Admiring his ups and consulting his downs. Are there still these kind of girls existing not expecting her boyfriend to be a perfect guy or her dream guy? Only God knows...

so, again,
to stay put or to make the move?
may God lead the way, little ant has no confidence yet and have no idea why to build it up again.
For the sake of saving my loneliness? ridiculous...
For the sake of having a family and continuing God's kingdom? that will definitely need a wise girl who cherish Him and our relationship, not merely thinking for own favourite things to do.
For what other reasons?...this is a never ending story...
I suppose...the only key is till I meet the special girl who are not going after mankind enjoyment but for the love of our future family and God's kingdom.

memories

memories are meant to be kept, right?
memories, are supposed to bring good influences, right?
a year of effort to overcome and go on, failed.
is it because there's no one to show me the proof?
or is it because God has another reason?
or is it because the path is indeed meant to be walked alone with Him?
please guide me Lord, you are the only true friend i have left...

本性

人的本性真的无法改吗？
用了这么多年的时间，结果还是倒回同样一个膜。
不要让她知道的决定果然没错，结果搞得自己这么伤感。
一而再，再而三地主动先踏出那步了，结果还是一样。
现在的她，就是小学中学的她。
环境，原来可以有这么大的威力，三年的友谊，就可以把七八年的友情感情踢得远远的。
完全无言以对，唯有佩服。。。
要成为朋友？不是这样的。客套话省了吧！
不想说谢谢就别说，没诚心的谢谢，不要对我说。
我要的是诚恳的朋友，很生疏的朋友至少也可以很热情地打招呼，你的态度，免了。

Monday BLUE?

Having a cup of coffee, sitting back, relax, online browsing my favourites...ah...such an indulgence...although it's just for a few hours...the appreciation counts...and the best part is I don't feel any monday blues! haha...although will need to rush for work after touching Johor ground...gonna miss Kuching so so much...such a fun and lovely night meeting old school friends last nite...worth the ticket back! =)

KUCHING!!!

KUCHING!!! miss you so much and here I come!!! XD
so excited to go back tomorrow...too bad have to rush back on Mon for work...haiz...when I have family in future it might be even harder to go back for a few days...hopefully I manage to get my professional license in these few years time and manage to go back to my hometown! the place I love the most and wish to stay the most!

Although going back Kuching may spark lots of memories of her...I believe I can also create new memories with my friends and family back there...couple love shall not be one of my main life priority anymore until I meet someone whom is able to change my thinking and drive me to overcome the phobia...until then...live life to the fullest! yeah! =)

the 7 little bears...

the 8th bear...left alone to complete the beauty of the '7 little bears'...and there goes the seven little bears with princess snow white...regretfully I'm not the prince...

Wish her all the best and May she meet her real prince soon...many thanks to sis sa for keeping this secret (thou she wont have any reaction anyway knowing the truth)...haha =D

so what should I do with her now? throw? keep? she's so adorable...but keeping her doesnt bring any gd...haiz...

GOD is so real!

GOD is always around, this is so true!...
I was quite anxious about the site meeting that I need to chair myself without my supervisor. I've just worked for two months plus and how possibly could I handle all those weird construction terms and issues that I might not even heard of?...and there it was this morning receiving the email stating the postpone of meeting, so my supervisor will be available at that time and will be going with me. lol...I guess God knows that I'm not prepared to handle that yet so I have a bit more time to learn and catch up, and I know I need to work harder! Now is the time to focus in work and my first target! This field is not pretty and prospect-full just as I expected and it is really not easy to become an architect that really build a 'home'land, not just houses. I do not have the social and financial background to do a lot of things as what others can. What I can do is just to keep learning and trying, making mistakes and making improvements. I hope this is the right thing to do. Time passes fast and I might not have much time to spend.

SPACES. SENSES. SOCIAL. This might just be a simple motto, but it bears all my aspiration of what to do as an architect. Design is not just about aesthetic, but what I always heard of is "wow! this building is so beautiful!""..."wow! this is so special!"..."wow! this building is so majestic! so grand!" Policies in Malaysia are slowly changing architects into exterior packaging and submission person in charge, this is not healthy. The whole process of building up an area for public is separated into many bits and pieces and there's no unity to bring up the quality of livelihood. When 'divide and rule' occurs, things tend to get messed up as different people always has different opinions. So how do we unite the idea of building a land truly suitable for the growth and health of mankind's body and soul? The answer is always a question mark, left unsolved...

This is just the first target, the hardest to achieve, let's go little ant! Keep yourself up and going! Don't let anything drag you down!

12.10.14

哇！好累的一天！
不过一句话，很喜乐的一天。
虽然我不是什么优秀生，也不是什么毕业大明星有很多朋友很多礼物，
但开心是我可以和全家人一起渡过，一起拍全家福。
家，始终还是我永远的归属。但愿我的家继续蒙神祝福！
感恩有这个家，让我可以长大，可以学习，可以有今天的一切！
更感恩有神的带领，五年来的确风风雨雨，经历生活酸甜苦辣，让我学习了很多人性，神性。
人的伟大，关怀，恶毒，无情，等。
神的恩典，引领，保护，祝福，等。
感激神，家人，曾经深爱的佩诗，教会众弟兄姐妹，系友等。
你们让我的五年生涯活得多姿多彩，有哭有笑，这才是所谓的 ‘生活’。

今天的秘密任务也算成功，哈哈！
听说她收到那礼物是很开心很喜欢，总算可以彻底了了这心结。
就当作是我对她最后的祝福吧，往后的日子就要下决心专心目标了吧！
虽然寂寞，虽然渴望，但这一切都不足以让我可以再次相信感情。
感情的脆弱，感情的迅变，感情的谎言，无论你多么努力，也不一定有成果。
人说女人要安全感，
有了安全感又要幽默感，
有了幽默感又要陪伴感，
有了陪伴感又要。。。又要。。。
你有某样不足，就得预备好她离开的心。
潇洒地离开，也潇洒地把你当透明，太恐怖了。。。
年岁，
与其浪费在无保障的感情事上，
倒不如用在更有用处的地方。
寂寞，就学习克服吧！

我毕业了！

明天！就是我辛苦了五年的毕业典礼！
之前的确是没什么感觉，但今天开始觉得紧张了。。。
虽然不晓得该紧张什么，心里就不由得紧张的侵袭。
有时会期待很多人来祝贺我送我礼物，但有时又希望简简单单默默渡过就是了。
或许也是因为期望看到她收到我的礼物会开心吧。。。
虽然她不会知道是我送的，或说她无需知道是我送的。
重要的是她明天可以开心漂亮！自己心里欣慰就足够了。。。
总而言之，结果如何就看明天吧！哈哈！
穿上那红袍，代表着自己是时候成熟了，是时候学习面对自己所做的一切决定了。
在这里先祝贺自己 “恭喜我毕业了！”
嘻嘻 =)